I can seeeeeee the light!
I am watching Jolyon grow up. He's been put in a situation here in Iceland where he has had to grow up faster than a nine year old boy should have to. A nine year old boy should be going to school, having fun and playing with his friends. In Iceland Jolyon has instead had to learn all about bullying and loneliness as well as learning anger management and coping mechanisms for a number of difficult situations. Life in England can only be better for him and hopefully it will just be a breath of relief and he'll be able to be a nine year old boy again. Having friends, playing football and riding bikes with his peers. Me and him go out most evenings and play football but I'll never replace a boy his own age with whom he can get up to nine-year-old-boy-mischief with, will I?
I am watching Joanna staying at home. This is definately not her bag and as she has written in the TwoLand diary she is very lonely. Joanna is, like all Burtons I know, an independent soul who needs to have a life outside of home. She needs to have friends around for girly nights out and girly nights in. Friends whom she can chat with about nothing at all. Joanna also needs to work. She is a naturally very giving, caring person who is in her element when she is taking care of someone else who needs it. She also finds it necessary to have colleagues to 'talk shop' with and bounce ideas around. I'm watching a different Joanna than I knew in England ... although she can certainly still boss me about! ;-)
When Joanna and I met I was a very vulnerable person in no fit state to take care of myself, on a fast-track to self-destruction. Joanna took care of me and basically saved my life. But as we've progressed for our almost four and a half years together I've become, largly thanks to Joanna, a different person. Which is good ... and bad ... I'm not the same person Joanna fell in love with because alot of that vulnerability isn't there. I know it's still there actually, under the surface, and Joanna is my stabling influence ... so Joannas role has changed in that respect. That said, I can't replace a girly friend (although I am a girly bloke) and a girly chat ... I can just do the husband/best friend thing. Joannas life will be so much more fulfilling when we are in England and she's got a job and friends within reach. There's no doubt in my mind.
I'm watching Elijah grow up. He is enjoying his life although the situation is not ideal. He loves his childminder so ... it's a shame we can't take her with us to England until he goes to the same school as Jolyon is going to. He loves his grandparents so and he'll miss them and vice versa. But life isn't stable for him. In his 17 months on this planet we have lived in five different places, that's a little more than a new home every three months and that's not good for little boys. And we'll be moving to a couple of other places before this is all over. I think for him home is not a house ... home is having his mummy, daddy and big brother around. Some of this unsettlement came out this summer in him biting (mainly me). That thankfully didn't continue but it makes you think. He is settled at the moment though.
Although we feel bad about having put our children, especially Jolyon, through this experience it confirms a few things. One, Iceland is not the place for us. Two, moving back to England was definately the right decision. And three, the next place we live and the next career we end up in will be for the long run. We need to now teach Jolyon to leave the bad experiences behind him in Iceland and take the good experiences with him. And there were plenty of good experiences. He got to know his second cousin Kristján Geir much better and they sound more like proper mates now when they talk rather than casual friends. He got to experience a different culture and learned alot about the differences in people coming from different backrounds. He fell in love with the idea of being a half-viking.
I will take a look at myself when we're back in England. For now, my role is to support. Support Jolyon in his difficult times at school and outside of home and to make sure that at home, those difficult times are discussed yet at the same time not wallowed in and to some extent, left outsided the doorstep. Support Joanna in these last months of loneliness and in everything we need to do until we move, from job interviews to lesson planning to cleaning the house. Support Elijah to continue to be a positive influence in what sometimes feels like a not-so-positive environment.
We're still together the four of us ... once back in England we will be the unbeatable and unpenetrable Freysson-Burton clan. We will be stronger and happier than ever, no matter where we live and what we work. I know this for a fact! Until then ... support is the word of the year.
I am watching Joanna staying at home. This is definately not her bag and as she has written in the TwoLand diary she is very lonely. Joanna is, like all Burtons I know, an independent soul who needs to have a life outside of home. She needs to have friends around for girly nights out and girly nights in. Friends whom she can chat with about nothing at all. Joanna also needs to work. She is a naturally very giving, caring person who is in her element when she is taking care of someone else who needs it. She also finds it necessary to have colleagues to 'talk shop' with and bounce ideas around. I'm watching a different Joanna than I knew in England ... although she can certainly still boss me about! ;-)
When Joanna and I met I was a very vulnerable person in no fit state to take care of myself, on a fast-track to self-destruction. Joanna took care of me and basically saved my life. But as we've progressed for our almost four and a half years together I've become, largly thanks to Joanna, a different person. Which is good ... and bad ... I'm not the same person Joanna fell in love with because alot of that vulnerability isn't there. I know it's still there actually, under the surface, and Joanna is my stabling influence ... so Joannas role has changed in that respect. That said, I can't replace a girly friend (although I am a girly bloke) and a girly chat ... I can just do the husband/best friend thing. Joannas life will be so much more fulfilling when we are in England and she's got a job and friends within reach. There's no doubt in my mind.
I'm watching Elijah grow up. He is enjoying his life although the situation is not ideal. He loves his childminder so ... it's a shame we can't take her with us to England until he goes to the same school as Jolyon is going to. He loves his grandparents so and he'll miss them and vice versa. But life isn't stable for him. In his 17 months on this planet we have lived in five different places, that's a little more than a new home every three months and that's not good for little boys. And we'll be moving to a couple of other places before this is all over. I think for him home is not a house ... home is having his mummy, daddy and big brother around. Some of this unsettlement came out this summer in him biting (mainly me). That thankfully didn't continue but it makes you think. He is settled at the moment though.
Although we feel bad about having put our children, especially Jolyon, through this experience it confirms a few things. One, Iceland is not the place for us. Two, moving back to England was definately the right decision. And three, the next place we live and the next career we end up in will be for the long run. We need to now teach Jolyon to leave the bad experiences behind him in Iceland and take the good experiences with him. And there were plenty of good experiences. He got to know his second cousin Kristján Geir much better and they sound more like proper mates now when they talk rather than casual friends. He got to experience a different culture and learned alot about the differences in people coming from different backrounds. He fell in love with the idea of being a half-viking.
I will take a look at myself when we're back in England. For now, my role is to support. Support Jolyon in his difficult times at school and outside of home and to make sure that at home, those difficult times are discussed yet at the same time not wallowed in and to some extent, left outsided the doorstep. Support Joanna in these last months of loneliness and in everything we need to do until we move, from job interviews to lesson planning to cleaning the house. Support Elijah to continue to be a positive influence in what sometimes feels like a not-so-positive environment.
We're still together the four of us ... once back in England we will be the unbeatable and unpenetrable Freysson-Burton clan. We will be stronger and happier than ever, no matter where we live and what we work. I know this for a fact! Until then ... support is the word of the year.
posted by Tóti Freysson at Thursday, October 05, 2006
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